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BookmarkIntroverted children are often misunderstood, even by their parents, who worry about them. Engaged by their interior world, they’re often regarded as aloof. Easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation, they can be seen as unmotivated. Content with just one or two close friends, they may be perceived as unpopular. Parents fret that they are unhappy and maladjusted. But the truth is quite different : Introverted children are creative problem solvers. Introverted children love to learn. Introverted children have a high EQ (emotional IQ) and are in touch with their feelings. They take time to stop and smell the roses, and they enjoy their own company. They are dependable, persistent, flexible, and lack vanity.
How can parents help their introverted children discover and cultivate these wonderful gifts? Help is here. Written by Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert Advantage with 74,000 copies in print, The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child fully explains introversion as a hardwired temperament, not a disability, and tells just what parents need to do to help their child become the person he or she is meant to be—and succeed in an extroverted world. Beginning with a 30-question quiz that places a child on the introvert/extrovert continuum, The Hidden Gifts shows parents how to foster a climate that allows introverted kids to discover their inner strengths; schedule ways for a very young innie to recharge those batteries and teach an older child to do it for him- or herself; create a harmonious household with siblings, and parents, of different temperaments; help innies find success at school, sports, parties, and other group activities.
I don’t doubt that this book has some helpful tips for parents with introverted children but just getting through the book in the first place was difficult. And while I do believe parents should help in some ways, the idea that you should change your whole way of doing things just to fit your introverted child is not going to help them when they get out in the real world and the real world does not cater to them like mommy and daddy did.
As an “outie” mom with an “innie” son, I feel like this book is a God-send. WORTHY EVERY PENNY!!! I have learned so much about introverts that I never knew and definitely never truly stopped to appreciate. My son was labeled as “shy” as a toddler. While it was a convenient label teachers and adults (including me), it is and was completely inaccurate. The insight that Dr. L shares convicted me, but will help me parent my “innie” the way he needs to be parented. It was like completing a course in a foreign language. After reading it, I feel like I have not only a greater appreciation for my son, but the other “innies” out there who add depth, sensitivity, and a softness that this “in your face” world need. It should be required reading for all teachers, pediatricians, and psychologists — but most importantly “outies” like me who have been blessed with an “innie” in their lives.
My first reaction was, I’m _not_ going to like this book. The title seems too pop-psychology and the whole “hidden gifts” thing… anyway, my snap judgment was that this would be a cheesy book.
Boy, am I glad I was wrong.
America is an extroverted country. Nearly 75% of the people you have met are extraverts – they get energized by getting it done, getting going, getting together. Zoom zoom zoom. Certainly our media is set up that way, and our success stories are full of it. So, … 75% of the kids you have met are naturally inclined to do well in the zoom zoom culture.
That leaves out 25% of the kids you have met, kids who cherish simplicity and deep relationships, and who do not go with the fast-paced flow. Introversion is normal – it is not a problem to be corrected, just like we don’t try to change a child’s left- or right-handedness.
These kids may seem spacey or dreamy, and sometimes they are overlooked by the world. They need lots of downtime to recharge their batteries. For these kids, being in school is like being a rubberband. It’s a stretch for them to get on a crowded schoolbus, then getting started on their day in a classroom full of kids is even more of a stretch. All day, they are surrounded by people, stretching, stretching. They are *far* out of their comfort zone, and sometimes, that rubberband snaps.
Their teachers say that they have trouble with social skills, or they may get fixated on one topic or one friend to the exclusion of the others. The teacher may suspect a psychological problem, like ADD. These children may complain of being sleepy, or they may just give up in the middle of the day, completely out of energy. But they are not difficult or diseased or disturbed. They are performing an unpleasant task – spending all their energy with no time to relax.
Most classrooms are extroverted classrooms, with lots going on and a strictly-enforced fast pace.
This book gave me a handle on introverted children and how to approach them, how to recognize and encourage them, and how to offer them the quiet time and orderliness they crave. It’s written to equip parents with a toolbox for teaching coping skills to their introverted kids.
My favorite idea in the book was… introverted kids are like contented trees. Trees dig those roots in deep sigh with the wind. Children like to have roots, too. Orderliness and predictable patterns give them that rootedness. That, and your love and acceptance!
I got this book to better understand my daughter who was 14 at the time. She took the book away from me to read it. I kept hearing “this is ME!” and “look, mom, this is why I am this way.” She felt reassured that she was normal and is embracing her strengths. She has been happier with herself and is interacting with other teens and adults much better; she has “come out of her shell”. I highly recommend this book to introverted preteen/teens and their parents. It really describes the introverted traits well and the questionnaire is helpful. MJM
I bought this book to help understand my 10 year old daughter, who is an “innie”. It has helped me understand her and my “innie” husband. It also made me realize you can’t “convert” an “innie” to an “outie”, and now I wouldn’t even want to. The book helped me realize that being an “innie” is ok, even wonderful, in our “outie” world.